必魔玩攻略站将带你了解大话西游搞笑剧本，希望你可以从中得到收获并且得到一个满意的答案。

英文小品剧本

有了有了！

Big words of western tour （大话西游）

Chapter 1

Site：The wedding

Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖

Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.

牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha …….

妖：Concubine Dose your wife agree to it

牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!

(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)

牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!

Come here! This is my brother.

(牛深情地转向紫霞)

牛：Zixia, listen to me. I think I ‘ve fallen in love with you once I know you. I want to show my sincerity. So I request you to marry me in front of my bros. This Pandora’s Box is my gift to you. I hope you would say yes.

妖：I object!

牛：What

妖：Zixia has a means to test her lover. If you can pass it, I will shout up!

至：What’s this Really

妖：This test is that she would marry the guy who can make her Magic Sword go out of the scabbard.

(剑从至的怀中落下)

妖：Magic Sword

牛：Let me do this!

(紫跑出，拾剑)

紫：It’s not true! It’s just a joke. It is still meaningless even if you can put it out!

(紫跑下)

妖：King, Iron Fan Princess has come.

牛：Aaa……

(牛惊慌地跑下)

Aside: The monkey king leaves the front hall, running to back garden……

Chapter 2

Site: Bull King’s back garden

Characters: 至尊宝、紫霞

（至跑过来，突然看到紫独自坐在台阶上，于是走过来）

至：Why are you hiding here

(紫抽剑，指向至。两人定格，至走出来，独白)

至：At this time, the blade is really close to me, 0.01 cm I think. But after a short period of time, 0.01 second I think, the owner of the sword will fall for me whole-heartedly. Because I’ve decided to tell lies, I’ve told many lies in my life, but I think it is the most wonderful lie!

紫：I’ll kill you if you come closer!

至：You should kill me! Kill me! I’d found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. I left regretful after that. It’s the ultimate pain in the world. Just cut my throat, please don’t hesitate! If God can give me a chance, I will tell her there words. “I love you”. If God wants to give a time limit, I’ll say this love will last 10 thousand years!

（紫长叹，抛剑，拾剑，抱剑）

紫：What can you tell your wife

至：I have to tell her the truth. So I must get the Pandora’s Box back. Then go back with you and explain everything. But I hate myself that I can’t get the box back. I ……

紫：I help you!

至：No, it’s dangerous!

紫：You don’t want to

至：I do! But ……

紫：I trust you! I’ll get the Pandora’s Box back tonight. Wait for me here at midnight.

(猪喊)

至：Let me do something to my boss first. See you tonight.

（依依不舍）

Aside: The night ……

Chapter 3

Site: Dungeon

Characters: 至尊宝、猪八戒、沙僧、唐僧

猪和沙：Master, master

(两人同时悄声说)

猪：We come to save you.

沙：We come to bring you out.

唐：I won’t go.

猪和沙：Stay here Why

唐：There’re full of obstacles in the way of getting scriptures. This is because we’re not united enough. So we let the devils do bad to us. That’s fine. This prison has no difference with the outside world, to me; the outside world is just a bigger prison. You go out first. I have something to tell him.

(猪和沙下)

唐：You come in and have a sit!

至：To be honest, I’m not your disciple. I don’t want to be your disciple. Master I know you’re a good guy. Please let me go!

唐：Do you know “dong , dong, dong ……”

至：What is “dong, dong, dong”

唐：“dong, dong, dong ……” is ……

(唐唱Only you)

至：Stop. Stop. I can’t take this anymore, please stop ……

唐：Ohoh ……

至：Damn you, you … I’ve said I can’t take this anymore. Don’t disturb or I’ll kill you.

唐： Monkey King, you can kill me. Life and death are very minor. When you know why you should make sacrifices, you will come back and sing this song with me. Namonitabhaya …

(至跑走)

Aside: The Monkey King succeeds in escaping form the Bull King, and he reaches the Spiders’ Cave with the Grapes. Unfortunately, the Monkey King and his friends meet the Queen of Spider.

The Monkey have heard that if the blade slashed fast and accurately, the guy who’s cut open won’t die at once. He can still see. So he asks the Queen of the Spider to kill him as fast as she could and to tear his heart out and let him have a look.

After the Monkey King’s death, he appears in the Hole of Waterfall …

Chapter 4

Site: The Hole of Waterfall

Characters: 至尊宝、观音

至：Goddess. I’m about to understand your words. I used my eyes to see in the past. What I was dying. I started using my heart to see this world. Then I could see all things clearly. That girl …has left a drop of tear in my heart. I felt her sorrow.

观：Have you given up all things in human world

至：Yes! Life and death is just minor! …… But I don’t understand why can human’s hatred last 10 years, 50 years, and even 500 years. What hatred is it

观：So that Tang Monk went to the west and got scriptures, which clean out hearts.

至：OK, I want to stay here, there are many things waiting for me to do.

观：I want to warn you again. After wearing the gold ring, you’re no longer a normal human. You can’t have human desires anymore. If you do so, the gold ring will get smaller and smaller. It’s very uncomfortable.

至：OK.

观：Before wearing the ring, what do you want to say

至：I had had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”! If there is a time limit, I hope, it is 10 thousand years!

第二.

Wanderseveryfivemiles

焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)

焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)

太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)

J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy

wifeisWuSong.

(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!

(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom

MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,

smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender

thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)

MyGod!Whocanhelpme(下)

Act1

(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)

JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!

(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou

L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum

JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland

dearestmother-in-law”.

L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup

JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so

lazy……

L:But……

JM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall

daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken

and……

JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!

L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour

son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2

(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)

L:Mum,I’mback!

LM:YouarebackWhyWhathappened

L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.

LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon

marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten

tome.Lookatyourself……

L:But,mum……

LM:Neverinterruptme!

L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOKAnd

I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.

LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter

Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo

andtellhim.(下)

L(惊愕):WhatThemayor’ssonThemostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood(手中的锅

铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3

(J睡眼惺忪上)

J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!

(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now

shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.

JM(上):Where’smybreakfastWhere’sLunchHasn’tshegotupyet

J:Mum,can’tyourememberLunchhasgone!

JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice

girl,goandtakeherback!

J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4

(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)

AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!

J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!

B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!

C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand

robthewedding!

A&B:Goodidea!

J(惊讶):WhatWhatLunchisgoingtogetmarriedIt’simpossible!

AB&C:WhyAprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!

J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!

(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyouI’llgo

withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.

B:Haveyougotanyexperience

J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(J和三强盗跃至台中)

ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!

A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!

B:AndIplantedonetree.

C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---

J:Giveusallyourmoney!

(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)

L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)

(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)

J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）

(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)

(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou

L(哭状):Ihurtalot!

J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)

L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)

(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

有谁知道大话西游牛魔王娶亲那一段的中文剧本啊？急求

（突然紫霞拔出宝剑抵在至尊宝的咽喉上。）

画外音：当时那把剑离我的喉咙只有0.01公分，但是四分之一炷香之后，那把剑的女主人将会彻底地爱上我，因为我决定说一个谎话。虽然本人生平说过无数的谎话，但是这一个我认为是最完美的……

紫霞： 你再往前半步我就把你给杀了！

至尊宝：你应该这么做，我也应该死。曾经有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，等我失去的时候我才后悔莫及，人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。你的剑在我的咽喉上割下去吧！不用再犹豫了！如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对那个女孩子说三个字：我爱你。如果非要在这份爱上加上一个期限，我希望是…… 一万年！

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